Okay it has been about two years since I have even visited my own blog, so I am well aware that the words I now type may never be seen by eyes other than my own. I had actually forgotten all about this blog. I started it a few years back. My friend just posted pictures of my boys on her blog and it was also a blogspot account, which jerked my dusty memory....and here I am, typing away as though somebody else actually cares about this little chain of events.
So here is where I share my deepest thoughts, and my wisdom with the world....Funny! As a former journalist I had always thought my audience would be so much bigger and much more impressive. (Just in case anyone is actually reading this...please take no offense)!
If some people's live's turn out as they had planned it, then of these privilidged, I am not one. Here I sit..with screams as a backdrop, on my home computer, blogging! Was I not meant to be a great journalist? That was the plan. My reality has been much different.
One planned and three surprise pregnancies later....I am now a mom, and not much more. So far from anything notable that I can barely even recall the word's proper spelling. Right now, in this very instance I have one son yelling, "I'M done!" Waiting for me to wipe his behind. One son carrying on a one way conversation I have now converted into white noise. One son, just left the house, and should be brought back in out of the rain. And there is a 14-month-old somewhere making shrills that have had me on edge for most of the day.
It is the latest installment of the above that has this stay-at-home mom so discouraged today. He was to be my sweet one. My easy one. Surely after all of the falls, temper tantrums, will filled show downs. I deserved ONE CHILD that was like the rest of the children in this world....
Well, again my plans and my reality have not squared up very well. For the past week I have been coming to terms with the fact that my baby will not be an easy child. That he too, will defy me, climb onto tables, run away from me when I call him, and scream endlessly to be unbuckled from anything that immobilizes him for more than 30 seconds. He will be just like his brothers. Exhausting, in every sense of the term.
My boys don't sit still. I let them watch very little T.V., but when they do, they are moving, talking, or fighting the entire time. Life is an interactive experience for them. They feel, smell, hear, taste, and ingest it ALL! I love this for them, but it also causes my heart to ache for them. As a mother I know these exhaustive qualities will one day give way to grown up heartaches for men, trying to make sense of a world in which plans often do not become ones reality. Will my boys who take in so much hurt more than others who seem to be happy watching? Do I wish for them to watch instead of being interactive partakers in life?
For now, I am jerked back into my current reality. Far from any newsrooms, or police scanners...But only a few short steps away from preparing four little boys the best I can for a world in which they must participate.
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