Christmas Eve has come and gone. Christmas day has followed along the same path, and even though I know it cannot remain Christmas forever, I cannot help but be sad it is over for this year.

This Christmas came with great anticipation for our family. We celebrated for over a month. Using it as an excuse to think about anything but the fact that I was badly injured, and unable to do so much of what I always do. We opened our envelopes diligently each night, (well, most of them), watched the Christmas videos together, made the cookies, listened to the songs, read the books, took the photos, picked out the perfect Christmas tree; then decorated it as a family, attended holiday plays, and celebrations.

We were able for the first time in many years, and for the first time in most of our sons lives to do things which were impossible before, impossible because there has always been a small baby on Christmas in our home. We have had nine Christmases as husband and wife and only our first was spent without a baby. Alex arrived only 2 months after our first Christmas together, and we have hit the ground running as parents.

This year Richard and I were well aware that this would be our last Christmas with a baby in the house. Abe will be 18-months-old tomorrow, and by next year he will resemble a small boy more than an infant. So without ever verbalizing it to the other, Richard and I both dug deep to make Christmas 2009 extra special even if crutches, pain, stress, and sleep deprivation were large factors in the daily equation. Things in our house never go as planned, and this Christmas would probably have looked tragic to the outside world. It is never done neatly, or quietly at our house. There is always a lot of chaos. Our Christmases are not tied up in pretty bows, but are done with a whole lot of love and latitude.

I am proud of us for sticking it out this year. We had some bad days in December, but for the most part I think we will look back on this month, of this year, as a magical one. One in which my sons were able to see the true nature of God’s love played out in front of them as their father gently cared for their hurting mother. One in which my boys witnessed their proud mother forced into letting go of her grasp on what she has always controlled and allow others to step in and help her. They have seen the beauty of the body of Christ working together in harmony as neighbors, friends, and family have taken care of our family. They have seen the values of patience and perseverance.

The boys prayed almost nightly that their mommy would walk on Christmas day. That did not happen. But I have to believe that the Lord is working an even better Christmas miracle in the hearts of their mother and themselves. As we see not our will, but His be done. In not our way, but His! If our family comes out of this holiday season internalizing this scriptural truth, then it will have been a miraculous Christmas in the purest sense of the term. That miracle promises to have more of a lasting impact than any of our parental efforts toward a memorable Christmas thus far!

Our Christmas Play

Birthing four boys in five years is a cinch. Raising them well, however, is not. It is difficult from the first wake up cry in the morning until the last goodnight squeal at night; difficult, but totally doable and totally worth it each and every day. My case in point….

At the beginning of December I took 25 envelopes and filled each one with a fun, easy, free, evening family time activities. So far we have been treated to hot chocolates, Christmas stories, a fire in the fire pit, a Christmas movie, and walk through a local church's live Bethlehem. Tonight the paper in envelope number 13 said that we were to hear the Christmas story from the Bible then act it out. Richard read the story from Luke. We sorted out what characters we would play, and got out the cameras. It was not a beautiful play with great props, but it was magical regardless. Aron at the age of 3, and with the condition of being male, was insistent upon being Mary. Aden was Joseph, Alex a Sheppard, Richard was the camera man/Angel/narrator, and I was all three wise men rolled into one. We had intended on Abe being baby Jesus, but he was just not cooperative, so a stuffed Elmo was cast in the part.

It was disorganized and hard to follow, but it was so much fun to see the boys get into their roles. The towels over their heads, their shy little faces saying the short and simple lines, but they were totally getting it. Aron did so well. If I were to see a million Christmas plays I do not believe that one of them will ever be as sweet to me as the one held in our living room this evening. We closed our play by singing a couple songs. Aron belted them out dutifully and beautifully with an angelic face.

I am well aware that it is hard to believe I enjoy all aspects of being a mother to my sons, but I do. There are times when it is insane, and I feel insane, however, I am so grateful that the Lord has placed this highest calling upon my heart in such a definitive and clear fashion. Some days I do not do it all well, but I am always glad I showed up and tried. Because if I had not put in the time and effort, if I had not pushed myself harder, I firmly believe I would miss the treasure that is the lesson of it all. Each day I feel myself being broken down, so that I can be built up to be more like Christ. A kind and gentle God knows that I need four little men pushing me right through my limits, and into my bliss each and every day!